Reflecting on Internet Fiascos

I am new to online dating....but this is not my first experience meeting a guy off the internet. There have been 4 guys I have been out with before. I think those experiences are worth reflecting on so that I do not repeat those mistakes. "Charlesincharge" was not the first disappointment-but hopefully the last!                           Does anyone remember myspace? Well....I went through a devastating break-up one time and started randomly messaging/browsing cute guys off myspace. I thought it would be a good way 2 rebound. There was a guy named "jason." We had this amazing, intellectual connection. He was very goodlooking. We met up in person...he was not anywhere near as cute as his pics. He looked a lot like billy corgan(the lead singer of smashing pumpkins)...and he was not a man of many words in person.                                                                                            We dated for a month-I just never felt any sparks. There were definitely no "bedroom" sparks on my end. What really did it...was the night of my first sleepover. He had 2 cats, ashton and midnight, whom he spoke 2 in a very non-hetero way. "Ashton" was very upset I was sleeping in his spot and "jason" spent the night talking 2 him....try sleeping with some crazy cat pouncing on you and then listening 2 "oh ashton, life is just so terrible isn't it." I am still not convinced that man is into women. My friends all know how I feel about straight guys who own cats....there is something wrong with them. Seriously....I have a plethora of crazy cat stories. I think it should be a scientific study...if they are single, and there is a cat-I am out.

Then there was this pilot I met that lived in miami. That was exciting and he was super hot in all of his pics. We continued talking for an entire year and then I decided 2 be spontaneous. I flew 2 miami and he took me on a cruise for a week. I kind of liked him in person...he was hot when I was drunk. He was deceptively thin though. I like someone 2 b bigger than me. I can't do skinny. Nothing is more appalling than going 2 wrap your arms around someone...and you are just hugging air...and he could be a bit of a jerk. But I was drunk the whole time, he paid for it all & there were a lot of hilarious things to watch on the ship. He flew to see me one other time and that was the end of that. Definitely no fireworks.             
Then there was the guy off of myspace that picked me up to go on a date. In person, he had very large pores, circles under his eyes and a sickly jaundiced tone to his skin. He definitely looked sickly, like a poster child for pot smoking. There was definitely no chemistry in person....I took him to a karaoke bar-and he had no sense of humor. I am pretty sure this guy was seriously depressed. He was telling me all about his abusive childhood while I was getting sloshed....and then walks in "rhett...like rhett butler. This 60+ year old man had on pleather pants, a platinum mullet and a smiley face bandana wrapped around his head like rambo. He was rapping without looking at the teleprompter...swinging the mic around his head. I've never laughed so hard in all my life. This man was deeply offended that I was not paying attention to him...and I got a hate email the next day about how self-absorbed I was. If only you could see me shake my head right now.

These stories should be a lesson...a cautionary tale. Yet I go full force into a new guy leaping without looking. It also looks like I have a track record of trying to establish a connection before meeting them. I seriously think I've gotten that wrong. And I am so apprehensive when a guy wants to meet up without getting to know me...probably to avoid the fiascos I have encountered.          I had three myspace encounters many moons ago....and then I set up a dating profile for 2 weeks last year. I didn't join or really look at anyone....this one guy had posted his facebook screenname on his page, so I messaged him.                                                                He looked really cool in all his pics...had this rockabilly, biker thing going on. Lots of pics of him and his 3 year old son. He had a lot of pics with a really cool harley and tats...not my normal type, but undeniably sexy. Things got hot and heavy for 2 weeks on the phone...we were talking all day long. He really was pushing for me to meet him and his son. But I told him no, we should meet alone first. Big date planned....an hour away haha. He looked nothing like his pics. He was scrawny, with overgrown facial hair and a wild unruly mane of hair. He was also trying to get into this biker gang....so he had the club insignia on his shirt, his wallet, his bandana....and the 'bike' was the saddest little charlie brown christmas tree of motorcycles. "That's my baby," he says....yep-that's something to be proud of.....I am not convinced it was even a tricycle. I was dressed like a biker I might add....and he took me to a redneck bar-and barely muttered two words. Did I mention he had trash piled in his car like a hoarder? That guy actually saw that I made a profile and messaged me...I responded with, " hey...I'm pretty surprised to hear from you." And he said, "why? Do you still have my #? Text me." To which I said, " well we went out one time a year ago and never spoke again, so I'm pretty surprised to hear from you. No I don't have your #, but good luck to you on here."   

I know there is something to be learned here...

I Told You So

The words we all hate to hear....I....Told....You....So. I have learned a tough "online" lesson. So "charlesincharge" and I had a blossoming romance via the phone. I saw about 15 photos of him(in various ages and a slight fluctuation in weight), and I felt confident I had a clear vision of his appearance, his personality and everything about him in general. I'm an 'all or nothing' kind of gal...and this man seemed special.

First off, he was really apprehensive about the online dating in general. His friends talked him into it...he had a bad track record(not unlike someone else I know) and was looking to meet a different kind of girl-one he could settle down with. He said he was used to dating "divas" and had never been in love. The more we talked, the more it seemed like we were made of the same cloth. It got to a point in conversation where I was finishing his thoughts and his sentences(and equally freaking him out). This went on for 2 weeks. We were talking an average of 8 hours a day and really having close, intimate conversations. I was pulling things out of him that he has never discussed with a girl before and it really felt like he was falling for me, and it felt like this was the type of guy I have been missing in my life. The man was perfect of paper.

So I started talking about him to my family, I was really excited about him! They kept trying to be a buzzkill..."he is probably lying about hisself" "he might be nothing like you think he is in person" "Honey, don't get too excited, you may not like him at all in person." I told them all to quit being so pessimistic....he was amazing. There is no way we could have this kind of chemistry or connection on the phone and have nothing in person....besides, I know exactly what he looks like. My nerves were starting to frazzle, cause the night of our impending big date was fast approaching-and I even took down my online dating profile and politely told 2 good looking men that I was currently pursuing something, but would keep them in mind if things did not work out....

Friday night approaches-I drive an hour across town to meet him. I am so nervous it feels like I am having an anxiety attack! He has this picture of him in a cabbie hat and I see a 300 lb man walking in the parking lot with a cabbie hat on....I tell him, " I'm really hoping this 300 lb man in the cabbie hat is not you." He was messing with me....and I walked up to where I was meeting him. And the nervousness went to panic...he could tell by my 2 second pat/hug that I was not feeling him at all. This guy looked nothing at all like his photographs! I mean....nothing?! He does PR work for a men's clothing line and has nice style in his pics....here before me was a young man dressed like an old man. His clothes hung off of him and made him look like a child playing dress-up. He had an oversized, collared, old-man shirt on. Made out of terrycloth or something....hanging down to his knees and tapered walmart-looking jeans with old dirty white tennis shoes on. He was also gravely in need of a haircut-it looked like a porcupine on his head. Way to dress up for me?! He said he was short(5'6 on his profile) and that is cool with me, because I am 5'3 so long as he is taller than me I am good! No sir....he was more like 5'2....and he had scrawney little legs, no backside and was very pudgy. This poor guy was about as attractive as George Castanza....I spent all this time on him, I definitely didn't wanna be rude! So I went to the movie and was just hoping that some kind of feelings would rekindle.....but give me a break. You cannot force yourself to like someone!

Through the whole movie, I kept smirking, cause I was trying to suppress a laugh-thinking of my family telling me, "I told you so." Damnit....they were right. I spent about the last half hour of the movie planning my escape and shiftily peaking at him out of the corner of my eye...wondering how the hell this guy took such hot pictures?!?! I have decided that I had it wrong before...it is NOT better to establish a connection beforehand, it would be wise to meet up first, and see if there is any chemistry there. This guy had been telling me the whole time that I was way outta his league, that I wouldn't like him in person-I thought he was being modest. But I think he knew I wasn't going to find him attractive...after talking to my friend about this, I think she is right. No guy that can get girls is going to get that invested based off of phone calls-and he was planning our future. I was into it, cause I liked him....he got me where i am weak. He appealed to my ego. I will not let this happen again....lesson learned.

I am Nerd

"MR. SENSITIVE SHOES"

What the heck....really? Someone named sensitive shoes that looked like Rick Moranis in Honey I Shrunk the Kids???? Next to the obese man who called hisself "BigSexyFun," this was my highlight of the week. Backtrack to my bio(i think it was my second entry). Remember how I specified under 'religious beliefs' that i believed in gnosticism? Translation: where agnostic translates to 'not knowing' gnostic translates to 'knowing.' It is the pre-ordained religious belief that the teachings of jesus were a metaphor and not to be taken literally. "Mr. Sensitive Shoes" here messaged me a quite lenthy email on the "gnostic" position of 'pink floyd', 'led zepplin' and psychedelic "gnostic" music....he also referenced 'a scanner darkly' as a gnostic book/movie....and did i want to get together and further discuss existestential matters in person???? Hahahahahahaha! First of all, this man clearly does not know what gnostic means....i think the term he is looking for is 'cerebreal.' And how on earth he thinks those references incorporate any type of existential conversation is lost on me...i am pretty convinced he misused vocabulary words in the feigned attempt at impressing me....and let's get real, Rick Moranis stands no chance-even with a brain.

I also heard from my highschool "opposite of flame" a few times....I am still trying to figure this guy out. It just intrigues me when there is something odd that I cannot put a read on....after that disaster of a first date(if you wanna call sitting on the couch and staring at baseball a date), I received a few texts from him like a week later. The first one said, "it is fucking hot outside." Ummmm.....ok? So I said, "yep, sure is. R u at work or something?" and he said, " Been here all day since 7am in 100 degree weather without A/C." I have no idea what to do with this? So I answered weirdly to try and get what he wanted out of it? I said, "Drink lots of gatorade." No response....then 2 days later, he texts me again. He says, " Why do girls wink at you and then hide their profiles so that you cannot see them? It's like they change their minds, it's ridiculous." Ummmmm.....what the hell does he want? Hahaha....this sure is a funny way of trying to get in my pants(which I am very unsure is his motive at this point....). I told him, " Ya that has happened to me a few times, but overall I am having a good experience on the site." He said, " it's fucking ridiculous." And....I never heard from him again. Does this guy just have no friends? What odd behavior...and probably just as ridiculous that i responded each time...

I did stumble upon someone who has held my interest....he calls himself "charlesincharge." I do like a man in charge, that is for sure. We have been talking and we definitely seem very in sync. This has been my first "chemistry" experience thus far. I am getting pretty excited about this one!

Poking Pet Peeves

POKING PET PEEVES



At this point, I am starting to feel a little more like a pro-and less overwhelmed. I have chatted with a few guys on here. Before I get to the pet peeves(aka annoyance) on here, I should give you a little more backstory so that you can understand:

As I hinted at, I was in a very serious car accident a few years ago. March 28th will mark 3 years...coming up on the anniversary that I survived. My body was badly mangled. My foot was severed and reattached, 4 of my fingers on my right hand were put back together after numerous fractures and breaks in all of them, tailbone broken, neck  collapsed on itself, spine completely messed up and sliced open from head to toe with glass. It has very clearly been a long, arduous process for me to recover and reintegrate as an active member of society. I was an athlete beforehand, and am no stranger to serious injury-so that has prepared me to get through this. I healed better than expected-you can see from my picture that I look perfectly normal and other than hidden, copious amounts of pain- you really cannot tell unless I point it out. I limp some-that's about it.

 I did not walk for a year and only have partial use of my right hand....before this, I was a bartender and a dance teacher. So not only have I rehabilitated, but I've had to start all over from scratch(with limitations) on the workforce front. Being self-sufficient, independent & a workaholic is completely who I am....I've been able to take on 2 jobs(that were not a successful career) at 6 months apiece....and am now in the process of a 3rd career search. I've kept an open mind, I know my strengths, and I have taken each job that was offered to me even though I was not jumping for joy over any of them. I am definitely having to deal with discrimination from being an attractive woman and from my injury....and my employers not making any  accomodations that are necessary for my handicaps. I tried taking on a roomate after getting my first job....but this entry level income I've had to learn to live on has not afforded me the luxury of the independence I so desperately need....thank god for my family, cause my dad convinced me to come home until I really get on my feet.

So....clearly I'm dealing with a lot. And clearly, I am a very blunt, brazen individual....try explaining all of this to a potential mate?! Hahahahaha....it's kind of hard to get around all of this when you are in the questioning phase-which is like the first round of interviews on a dating website. I've come a long way and am a highly motivated, determined individual....I definitely have a positive attitude and should be proud of how far I have come....but it is definitely hitting insecurities and my pride when I have to explain that I am: unemployed, living with my father at 29 years of age, and handicapped. All of these bio's boast of physical fitness and being highly active outdoors....clearly I cannot be so active-I am barely mobile. But as much as this is difficult to discuss, I am not gonna hide anything and they need to know what they are in for because I do not want to put in time with someone who is not open to dealing with these things. I am aware that this is a dating website, and a lot of these men are not going to want to get involved with someone like me when they are vying for a successful, independent, athletic woman. Some men(which hasn't stopped them before) are going to see what all I have to offer and look past my tragic circumstances....I'm not where I wanna be yet, but I can assure you....I will get there. I am definitely not looking for anyone to take care of me. :)

Ok....."poking" pet peeves.... so I have talked to 4 guys back and forth on here. 1 of them has had some very odd behavior-but it has intrigued me. Because I added him to my "favorites"(which means he can see I am interested) and we sent a few emails. He looks a little too clean cut(like he might tie a sweater around his neck) but definitely attractive.....so I've given it a shot. All he has done is be pretty pessimistic about the crazy girls he has gone out with on here and dating in general. At first it was amusing, but you can seriously tell he is a debbie downer....I emailed him something funny(since he seems like he might have a sense of humor like me-which is a little off) about passing a stripclub on the road and seeing a sign about midget strippers....and I reminisced about a one-legged stripper I heard about there when I lived over here as a kid. Who wouldn't find midget strippers funny? Apparently him, because the next time I went to click on his profile, it was hidden so I couldn't see it....what the heck does that mean?! So I googled it.....if it pops up as hidden, that means either they blocked you so you can't see it or they probably didn't realized they still have their profile up and they are involved with someone....so it has definitely perturbed me since this has happened a few times! Well, this guy popped back up in an email a week or so later...telling me the email was lost on him....I had to explain the humor, then he said a few jokes-and I just got to the point. I was hurt, looking for a job, and living at home....whatever. Of course, he blocked me again....I'm assuming. I never heard from him and did not try and click on his profile either. I don't think it would work out with a man that does not find midget strippers funny in the first place....lost cause.

The other guy was a lot more sympathetic and really interested in the details of the accident, etc. He was a foreigner, and we talked about the different cultures. We were kind of getting to the point of going out, and then I made light of living at home....and how I couldn't wait to get settled in a new job so I could get my own place again.....probably too much, because he blocked me and then, I noticed, he never got on the site again....I'm really starting to feel like this online dating was a stellar idea at this point...I'm scaring them off the dating site! Haha. Maybe I shouldn't be so forward until they know me better? But it's not in my nature....I don't know how to hide things....either they can deal, or they can't!

There were 2 others....both seemed like really nice guys. Nothing wrong with them....one guy, I got all the way through everything with and he wanted to talk on the phone....good sign, but I dunno why....I just wasn't feeling him. Other than compassion and wit, I really just wasn't grabbed or drawn to him....I need to feel fireworks and racing heartbeats to even go out with someone.....which makes online meetings very tricky, since you really cannot tell. I am used to knowing a man before we go out, but I know when the right guy comes along...I will get that feeling somehow. Something they say will hold my interest!

The other guy was just relocating here from Chicago(I think?). Again, good looking guy-more on the 40 mark with his age....he looked italian and a little bit of what I have deemed a "shiny shirt guy." Someone who is built like a brick house, with a skin tight, obnoxiously printed, dress shirt and always goes to clubs....sometimes slathered in body oil. These guys are normally snotty and stiff....nowhere near my type. I'm looking for someone way more laid back and preferably someone who doesn't spend more time in the mirror than I do....so I answered all of his questions about good locations in the city and what they have to offer....and then did not respond when he asked to meet up when he was coming to town the next week....I just didn't feel any spark. I know....I know....I'm being really picky. But I'll know when someone interests me.